As I’ve been reading (and loving!) Chris Seay’s A Place at the Table this Lent, I’ve found myself routinely praying the same prayer. “Lord, give me eyes to see where I’m in need of your grace.”
Of course I’m aware of many of my sins and my need for grace. But, it is also true that some transgressions have a way of blending into the landscape of my life. I’m shamefully blind to the many ways I fail to be the person God created me to be.
So, I’ve been praying for eyes to see. Gently and compassionately, God has answered this prayer. He hasn’t said, “Why are you doing this you fool?” No, he’s loving reminded me, “You need to lean into me a little more here.”
That’s exactly what He did this morning. This week, I’ve been sharing a difficult part of my story. I’ve felt an urging to tell this story for more than seven months, but have ignored it.
About two weeks ago, I realized I could no longer procrastinate. It was time to tell this story. I bravely shared my heart Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.
But yesterday, I just couldn’t do it. For a variety of reasons, I felt beat-up and unvalued. I told my husband I wanted to crawl into a whole far from the internet and never come out.
“It feels like the wind has been sucked from my sails,” I prayed this morning. “I just can’t go on.”
And it was then, that I heard the still small voice of the Holy Spirit. “Just what wind where you using to power those sails, dear Jennifer?”
The tears flow now as they did then. Light shown on a sin that was in darkness. I have a problem with looking for worldly affirmation. I seek the approval of others and use that as fuel for my journey.
He wants to be my wind. When it is Him that powers my sails there is an ease that accompanies the effort. I am propelled forward with lightness and grace. Today, I will lean into him as I go forward.
What wind powers your sails? How are you leaning into Him today? I’d love to hear!