Faith in the Unplanned Seasons…His Perfect Design
For our first wedding anniversary (nearly 9 years ago), Derek signed us up for a salsa lessons. (Romantic, huh?!) Well, it didn’t take that dance instructor long to get my number. Within the first ten minutes of the first class, she said, “You have got to let him lead!”
I’m not sure I ever perfected surrendering control on the dance floor (Derek – maybe we need more dancing lessons so I can keep practicing), but six years later, I got an even bigger schooling in surrender when AE was born.
Like most first-time parents, I had a well-developed picture in my mind of what life with AE was going to look like. I had a birth plan. I had plans for where she would sleep, and what she would eat, and when she would eat it. I had a list of projects I would tackle in my new role as stay-at-home supermom/superwife. I had plans for her to grow-up in the Studio that we owned. I even had plans for when we’d have other kids.
As I was being rolled into the operating room for an emergency cesarean section, all I could think was “This is not how I planned this to go!” As the surgery began, I felt a panic wash over me. I literally felt like I was falling. My stomach dropped out and nausea set in.
I knew I had to make a choice. I could keep fighting, keep whining and complaining that things were not going my way, or I could surrender. I started at the top of my head and worked my way down to my feet (yes, I could feel them), literally surrendering all holding, all tension.
After I finished with my physical body, I repeated the following ten words, over and over and over again – “The harder something is, the more it requires my softness.” Those words were my acknowledgement to God that I was choosing to surrender to him.
In the days, weeks and months that followed AE’s birth, I thought a lot about the idea of surrender. So much about life with her wasn’t what I had expected it to be. Was I supposed to kick, scream and insist upon my way? Or, maybe, I was supposed to acknowledge that she was exactly as God designed her to be. Maybe it was I who needed to submit? Maybe, I needed to let him take the lead in this dance of life?
When things don’t go as I have planned, it’s so easy to throw an adult temper tantrum. But, very often, things don’t go as I’ve planned because one who knows far more than me has something even better in store. And, the sooner I stop the kicking and screaming and start the joyful surrendering, the sooner I can get on with the beautiful dance that is my life.
P.S. This post is part of a series on trusting, loving and praising God in life’s unplanned seasons. You can find the other posts in this series here.
When have you had to choose to surrender to God’s perfect design? I’d love to hear!
