Hello My Name Is…Mommy

As a special gift for me, my mom mailed handmade “wisdom cards” with each invitation to my baby shower. Each woman lovingly wrote out words of encouragement and advice, and then read them to me during the shower. (Disclaimer – many tissues were maimed in the making of this memory!)

As I’ve navigated this parenting journey the last two years, I’ve picked up that stack of cards many times. The wise words of the women I’m blessed to share life with leave me feeling empowered.

• “Embrace dirt!”
• “Choose rest when she is resting.”
• “Read to her.”
• “Find a reason to laugh every day!”  

But, some of the words are a little harder to swallow. They remind me that while I love her with every fiber of my being, AE has an identity distinct from my own. (GULP!)

• “Enjoy and cherish every moment. The years go by swiftly. Before you know it she will be off on her own life adventure.”
• “Hold onto her loosely – she belongs to God, and as she grows you will be closest to her as you give her space to be the woman He has created her to be.”
• “She is loaned to you for a time – for you to love and teach and nurture.”

AE is an individual. I know this in my head. I consider this fact each time I face a new parenting choice – “Which option will best help her grown into a compassionate, self-directed adult?” I even consider our separateness when I pray for her.

But sometimes, the voice I hear in the quiet of the night is that of a woman who has tightly woven her own identity to that of her child; a woman who unfairly expects her sweet girl to fill the holes in her heart that only a Savior can.

“Mommy is feeling so stressed, you need to stop…” As if someone other than the Almighty can offer lasting peace.

“Mommy doesn’t even want to think about you going off to college one day.” As if our Creator doesn’t have distinct purpose for each of our lives.

The truth is; being a mom has taught me more about my Father than I could have ever imagined. I know He created me with the capacity to love AE with every fiber of my being. I know I’m called to be at home with her now. I know it is an awesome responsibility to be her mom.

But, I also know that no human (not AE, not Derek, not anyone) can meet my every need, and expecting them to do so will damage our relationship.

I also know that my identity should be woven to the Love that ties us all together.

Sometimes, the voice I’m trying to drown out at night is that of a Mommy who doesn’t know herself separate from that role. When I hear her this week, I’ll ask my Father to fill the holes in her heart so that she is best positioned to extend His Grace and Love to her daughter and everyone else.

P.S. This post is the final in a series on my own identity crisis. Check here for other “Hello My Name Is” posts.

To what or whom is your identity woven? While I’m still a work in process, I’ve learned so much during this series. (I’ve even been going to sleep in a quiet room lately!) I’d love to hear what you do to find your identity in your Creator!