Is That You God?

I didn’t grow up in a faith tradition that had a lot of formal practice around the Lenten season. I’ve never had ashes placed on my forehead. Nor have I ever practiced a fast for Lent. But, the past few weeks, I’ve felt a nudge to establish some personal formal Lenten rituals that will prepare my heart for the celebration of the Resurrection.

I started by picking up a copy of Chris Seay’s A Place at the Table: 40 Days of Solidarity with the Poor. I’ve read the introductory chapters, and can’t wait to get started with the daily readings during Lent. I’ll share more of my reflections on this over the next few weeks. (Since I’m growing a baby, I’ll just be fasting from desserts and sweets – which will be a challenge – this little guy has given mama a sweet tooth!)

But the more I prayed about it, the more I realized that I need to also spend this season reflecting on a question that has been in the back of my mind for the last four years – Is that You, God? I feel a nudge to move this question to the front burner and turn the fire up.

After my first miscarriage, I opened a door that I had previously ignored. As I passed through it, I started to ask some pretty terrifying questions. I was scared of the rocky terrain this door led to.

But, over the last four years, I’ve discovered that the questions were only terrifying because they had previously been unasked. I have Companion to traverse the rocks with. And, as we do, we are drawn into an intimate, unending conversation.

While I started out screaming my questions and demanding answers, over time, my genuine curiosity led me to calmly, patiently inquire. He has welcomed, even encouraged my inquiry.

Some of the answers I have received have shocked me (like those about the nature of grace or how to be a testimony to Love). And, when they do, I feel a catch. I start to question if I can trust this leading. And then I realize that the doubting voice I’m hearing is that of a human – one of the Christian teachers or leaders or friends I’ve learned from.

I’m grateful for these people. Their role in my life and their work in the Body is valuable and important. But, I have elevated my Christian teachers and leaders to a status of authority that I’m now examining.

So, I’m going to spend Lent this year fearlessly asking my Savior to show me the places I’ve substituted a human voice for His. If the point of the cross was to demolish the barrier (my sin) that previously prevented an intimate relationship with Him, then what better way is there to prepare for the celebration of Easter than to learn to discern His voice from that of a human?

You better believe I’ll be sharing what I learn as I go!

How do you bring your questions to the feet of our Savior? Does he ever give you answers that make you uncomfortable? How do you tell the difference between discomfort that comes from the Holy Spirit or that that comes from the mere fact that this is different from what you’ve been taught?