Out With the Old

I spent a hefty portion of Sunday doing a task I dread – sorting through AE’s clothes to remove those items she’s outgrown. I don’t dread the work, I dread the sadness I feel as I do the work.

AE was a big baby. She was wearing the 24 month clothes at 12 months. But, around the time she started walking, her weight gain slowed. So, I am just now packing up the 24 month clothes.

In the past, I’ve justified the tears that flow as I sort by saying, “She hardly even got to wear this one!” That wasn’t the case this time. She’s worn these clothes for nearly two years! Yet, the tears and the ache in my heart as I sorted, were still there.

This time, it was more like packing up memories than clothes. “She wore this one as she showed off her newfound skill of walking.” “Oh, we had so many nice hikes together while she wore this jacket.”

As Derek looked in the doorway, I took him on memory lane, too. “Remember when she wore this one on vacation?” With tears flowing freely, I continued, “I can still see her running down the hotel halls in this dress.”

“Yup, our little pumpkin,” he beamed back with nary a tear in sight.

“Doesn’t it make you said that she’s outgrown these – that our baby is growing up so fast,” I pleaded, trying to evoke the same heartache in him I was feeling.

“Not really, we are making new memories everyday,” he replied confidently. Then he softened his voice, realizing the weight of the words he was speaking, “If I spend all my time sad about the memories gone by, I miss the memories we are making in this moment.”

It took me a few minutes, on the floor of AE’s room, surrounded by piles and piles of memories, I mean clothes, to accept this truth. There’s nothing wrong with remembering, after all. But, I wasn’t just remembering, I was allowing my yesterdays to soak up my today.

When I let go of my need to bemoan every outgrown article of clothing, the project went quite a bit faster. In no time at all, I was off to enjoy the day with my beautiful family.

Do you also have a hard time letting go of the past? How do you balance the desire to remember all these special moments with the need to create new memories today? I’d love to hear from you!