Straight Talk

Regular contributor April is here this morning with a post that convicted me. I’m often guilty of playing games with my words. Thankfully, she also inspired me to make some changes! (You can read more about April in the Voices section here.)

Uncle Richard and Aunt Janice Dancing

By: April Campbell

My cousin got married this past weekend. It was a lovely wedding. The bride was gorgeous and the groom was thrilled to be marrying her.

At the reception, the DJ asked all the married couples to join the bride and groom on the dance floor. As they danced, he periodically asked for couples who had been married for xx years to sit back down….starting with those married 5 years or less. The last couple on the dance floor was my Mom’s Uncle Richard and Aunt Janice. They have been married for 62 years. The DJ asked them to share their secret to a long marriage.

I turned to my 8 yo daughter and asked her what she thought the secret to a long marriage was. She said she didn’t know. So I rephrased my question. What is the secret to a successful relationship? She responded quickly. Her answer: communication. I was so proud.

Communication. It seems so simple. You speak. Someone hears. Someone speaks. You hear.

Yet we make it so complicated. We talk around things. We infer things. We hint at things. We omit things. We blur things. And in doing those things, we make life confusing. We feel misunderstood. And those around us feel the same way.

I find it funny to listen to my children as they communicate with me and others. There are times when they clearly want something, but only hint at that desire. Or I will hear them work their words so they will be asked if they would like something. I try to teach them to speak their wants and needs clearly. If you want a chocolate, don’t tell me how much you like chocolate. Ask me if you may have some. If you are seeking permission to take a bath, don’t sit around lamenting that you think you stink. Be direct.

My husband and I value effective communication highly and work really hard to teach our kids the importance of good, clear communication. Our marriage started out rough, mostly as a result of miscommunication that led to non-communication. Once we realized this major flaw in our relationship, we worked hard to make it better. And we are better…most of the time. I still get it wrong a lot, though. I am reminded of that every time my kids play games with their words.

But I try to set a good example and own up when I haven’t been clear. I try to apologize when the misunderstanding has been because of my poor communication. Perhaps one day I will always get it right. But I’m not holding my breath on that one.

I never did hear what Uncle Richard and Aunt Janice said was the secret the their long marriage. I’m willing to bet that it had something to do with good communication….even if they did get it wrong once in a while.

Do you play games with your words? Do your children? How do you encourage clear communication in your own home?