The Need to Be Understood

When AE first started talking, Derek and I often felt like we needed a translator. She was working so hard to express her needs and feelings, but we often had no idea what she was saying.

Dinnertime became a real guessing game. AE would point and say the name of what she wanted, and Derek and I would start guessing. “Napkin? Carrot? Hummus?”

Then, when one of us got it right, she would shout with great excitement and arms overhead the name of the winning guesser – “MA-MA!!!” or “DA-DA!!!” She literally celebrated being heard and understood.

Now that she’s talking in sentences, our communication has greatly improved. But, AE still wants confirmation we understand what she is saying. She will say the same thing over and over again, until we repeat it back to her.

So, if she says “Dada, I saw 10 geese with Mommy today.” She doesn’t accept the reply of, “Wow!” She wants Derek to say, “Wow, you saw 10 geese with Mommy today!” And if he doesn’t, she’ll just keep repeating herself until he does.

The other night we were playing this repeating game as she was recounting for me what she had done on her Daddy-Daughter Adventure, and I realized once again – I have so much to learn from her.

We all need to feel heard. Maturity teaches us that everyone won’t agree with us, but we all need to be understood. However, when someone isn’t demanding that I repeat their words back to them, it’s easy to ignore this need.

I’m going to follow AE’s lead, and consciously work to show those around me that they have been heard and understood. This might be one of the most important things I do to demonstrate love.

How do you show your kids and others that you understand them? I’d love to hear!