I Am Better Than No One
Some days I really struggle with the virtual community of the Internet. I love the access I have to thought provoking content via online news sources, blogs, email groups, Facebook, Twitter and the like. But, sometimes, the nature of comments and replies made to said content really bothers me.
The Not-So-Great Debate
When a news article or opinion post generates debate (and it seems almost everything is debatable these days), it is inevitable that the replies and comments evolve into a nasty game of who can issue the most clever insult upon those of the opposing view. And what ensues stops being purposeful and transitions into plain old mudslinging (that does very little to win over any converts in my opinion).
While this is potentially more visible online, as people are more likely to type out a snarky reply than speak one directly to someone’s face, we all regularly interact with people of opposing views and opinions to our own. In both the virtual and real worlds, a lot of harm can follow the thought “I am right and you are wrong.”
A Truth Void
So, if I want to spread love and peace, should I simply ban that thought from my mind? Is it wrong to have passions and convictions? I’ve heard people say, “I don’t believe in one truth. Everyone has their own truth.” Is there some way to abandon a sense of right and wrong in an effort to accept everyone’s opinions as equally right?
I don’t think so. What would that even look like? Every choice we make is based on a particular belief at the exclusion of another. Our thoughts, actions and choices are dictated by our beliefs.
In fact, I think a lack of clarity about right and wrong is paralyzing. There have been times in my life where I couldn’t muster conviction for any of the choices in front of me. Those were seasons void of progress, peace and joy.
The Real Culprit
When I look closely at the times I’ve been cruel to those of an opposing view (for me, they are usually my family members and not strangers – sorry loves), there is something deeper that is at play. It is a very dangerous, violent, untrue thought that is the heart of the problem. That thought is “I am right and you are wrong. Therefore, I am better than you.”
This false sense of superiority is the foundation for so much cruelty. It gives us license to attack those who we deem “less than.” But, a person’s worth and value is not determined by their opinions or their choices. We are all equally deserving of and in need of grace and love.
A Grace Revolution
I want to be a bigger vessel for grace. I want to remember that I myself have done many things I said I would never do, because of a change in my beliefs. I want to remember that I have knowingly acted in direct opposition to my convictions. I want to remember my own need for grace, and respond to that awareness by giving it freely and enthusiastically to others. I want to remember, I am better than no one.
Join me, won’t you? Let’s start a grace revolution. Let’s disagree. Let’s debate. Let’s discuss. Let’s have passion and conviction for our beliefs. But, please, please – let’s not belittle. Let’s not call names. Let’s not sling mud. Let’s not devalue the person. Let’s choose grace!
Before you post a comment online, before you utter a harsh reply to a loved one, take a deep breath and choose grace. May our thoughts, words and actions always reflect the truth that I am better than no one!
Update: I really appreciate the thought-provoking questions people asked in both comments and emails to me. They each challenged me to think about the practical application of my call for grace.
My brain and my heart were particularly racked when I was asked, to weigh-in on if and how we should show grace to terrorists and other evil-doers. Read my response here.
I love this. So well written and very important. Much like we often censor what we say to someone in person, we should censor what we type into the interwebs as well. Then, we need to evaluate why there was a need to censor in the first place. I find that it is usually me. Me thinking that I’m right and your wrong. Me thinking that I’m better than you. Me feeling insecure and trying to make myself appear in a better light. Wait….all those things are about ME!!! I better check myself and my attitude!!!
This needs to happen in business. It seems like there’s a growing trend of situations where people feel like they’re on an island. You hear things like, “Everyone I work with is an idiot” and it makes you wonder! I’ve been there before, and it’s a dark place to be. When I started to realize what I was doing, it made me such a happier person in my career.
So true. I confess that I haven’t wanted to admit to myself (let alone anyone else) that an attitude of superority lies behind my attitude that I’m right and you’re wrong. I’m sure it gets in the way of my ability to listen to others, too. Yes, I’m on board for a grace revolution! And very thankful for all the grace I know has been extended to me…
This is such a great message!! I’m guilty of this, whether I actually typed the snarky comment on the Internet, or just thought it to myself. I’ve found that parenting brings on all kinds of insecurities that lead to judgement – both me judging others and feeling judged by others. I’m in for the grace revolution. Let’s bring this to the playground, too!
Thanks everyone! I really appreciate your comments!
April – “we need to evaluate why there was a need to censor in the first place!” Amen! That is so true. When I look at my heart in those moments, it is not pretty. How is it that I could be so covered in grace and not able to give it? Working on it!
Derek – Very true. How about politics? Can you imagine if a candidate ran on this platform – “My oponent isn’t a bad guy and I happen to agree with him on many things. We even share similar goals. We just have different strategies to meet those goals. Here’s why I like my strategies better…” I would vote for that person!
Carol – Thanks for sharing that I’m not the only one battling a false sense of superiority. Welcome aboard the grace revolution!
Stephanie – Ummm…Yeah! I’m all for a playground grace revolution. Guess I have to “be the change I want to see
in the world[on the playground]”?!Cannon – Thanks! I appreciate it! The link to your blog didn’t work, I’d love to see it!
Hey, you stated in a much more direct way what I was trying to communicate, thanks, I will recommend your site to my friends.
This is very much the approach I’m trying to figure how to take about 9/11. Would love for you to read and weigh in on the post and comments about the conflict of all conflicts.
http://writemindopenheart.com/2011/09/9-11-mccaffrey-covey-memory.html
I agree. I recently wrote a piece about “How do you want to be remembered?” It’s about choosing kindness and doing simple things to make others around you feel better. I can disagree with someone, but I don’t want to degrade someone.
Thank you for a beautifully written post. I look forward to reading more from you.
Julie
Lori – As I shared on your blog, your beautiful post breaks my heart all over again for you, for our country, for our world. Your desire to understand helps heal my heartache a little though. Thank you for your post and for reading and commenting on my post. You’re comments/questions really got me thinking. In fact, check back tomorrow follow-up piece.
Julie – I’m copying a link to your beautiful blog post that you refered to here, so others can see it – http://www.fromthemudroom.com/2011/08/what-do-you-want-to-be-remembered-for/ I love it! Thank you for sharing!
You’ve no idea how much I needed this! I’ve been struggling so much with how to talk and be real and be our own unique selves yet still live Romans 14 and respect other’s freedom in lifestyle choices. I speak about some of it here:http://shineliketheson-mymotherhoodtrail.blogspot.com/2011/09/talk.html
I’ve been struggling so much that I almost want to dive into a season of silence! But this and your many other posts hit my heart so deep. God is speaking through you to me. I pray he will not only let the words hit my heart but to make me act on them. That it will put feet in motion to truly love people and dole out grace every chance I get. Thank you for your words and your blogs and your connection to Sorta Crunchy which is how I found you in the first place!!!! This one will be printed so I can remember it daily!
Oh and This one…forgot about this one about fear http://shineliketheson-mymotherhoodtrail.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-biggest-fear-dare-i-share.html …really sums up my struggle these days.
I did print your post and after some reading and tears with God last night fell asleep feeling I was on His track now…intentional, practice and accountability and Love and grace can flow naturally…my 31 days post today linking this one. http://shineliketheson-mymotherhoodtrail.blogspot.com/2011/10/31-days-day16-all-equally-deserving-of.html
Steph, I’m so honored, truly! Can’t say enough how happy it makes me that the words He wrote on my heart speak so strongly to your heart right now! I’m on this journey with you. Let’s pray for each other and for our world. May we all give grace as freely as we have received it!
Oh Jennifer, YES praying together for each other, for all others, for where two are there He is also!