My Relationship With the Truth

Several times a week my beloved husband takes my also beloved daughter out of the house for a few hours. They call these trips “Daddy-Daughter Adventures” (and they begin with the sweetest little theme song he made up).

The agreed upon intent of these “DDAs” (as we lovingly refer to them) was to give me a few hours of quiet to catch up on all the things difficult to accomplish while entertaining a toddler – cleaning, baking, writing, exercising or enjoying my yoga practice without the “prop” of a toddler in every pose. Of course, they get special bonding time, too.

While they were out on one of their first adventures, I realized the most important thing I could do with the quiet time that evening was absolutely nothing (aka – Savasana). And, it was absolutely wonderful – exactly what I needed.

When they returned home that evening, Derek asked “Did you get a lot done?”

Without even thinking, I replied “Yup!” Then I changed the subject before he could ask me to list out all of my accomplishments.

I tried to justify that lie as kind of true. But, the fact remained – that “Yup” was causing a rift in the intimate relationship I like to maintain with the truth.

Then, all the ruminating on that lie seemed to shed light on just how comfortable I’ve allowed myself to get with the truth’s arch enemy, dishonesty. I started to see all these little lies here and there and everywhere!

“You’d never believe the traffic jam I hit on the way here.”

“Oh, I’m great. How are you?”

“No problem, it’s not a big deal. I’d be happy to help.”

I wanted to make a change. I wanted to fall in love with truth again and close the door on dishonesty. So, I started to think about why I had become so comfortable with, and even justified lying in certain situations.

Then it hit me, I was lying in attempt to control other people’s response to me. I was using deceit in an effort manage other people’s feelings about me.

I thought Derek would be happier with me if I used the free time he gave me to tackle projects.

I say I’m late because of traffic, because I believe your response to that will be more favorable than your response to the truth – I’m late because I overslept.

I say “I’m great,” when a dear friend asks, with genuine curiosity, how I am, because I’m afraid of what they’ll think of me if I tell the truth.

I want someone to like me, so I bend over backwards to meet their requests, even when it is a big deal, and I really don’t have time to help!

But, the truth of the matter is, I don’t own and shouldn’t ever try to take responsibility for anyone else’s thoughts – even their thoughts about me! When I attempt to control someone else by telling a lie, I am engaging in a losing battle. I am adding stress and tension to my relationships and life that is unnecessary and unproductive.

I want to invest the time and energy I spend trying to control others in making the truth of my own life something I can be proud of.

P.S. As it turns out, Derek knows the power of relaxation. And, he now frequently instructs me to “Enjoy Savasana” on his way out the door for DDAs. Man, I’m one lucky woman!

How comfortable have you gotten with dishonesty? Can you feel a weight lifted off of your shoulders when you release your desire to control other people?