People-Pleaser Syndrome
“Becoming obsessed about what others think about you is the fastest way to forget what God thinks about you.”
~ Craig Groeschel
“You bet.”
“I’d be happy to.”
“No problem!”
If you had a transcript of my day, these phrases would appear frequently. I am a people-pleaser.
For example, I was recently at a large store (I won’t name names but everyone who works there wears a red shirt). As the cashier was scanning my purchases, she couldn’t locate the barcode on one of my items.
So, the kind lady turns to me and asks, “Can you please run and get another one? The tag I need is missing from this one.”
Everything in me wanted to firmly reply, “Please call for the price, or take my word that it’s $2.99.” Instead, I trudged back through the store (toddler in tow) to get a new one.
This is a small, albeit annoying, example. But, my people pleasing syndrome really gets me into trouble when I perceive a friend or loved one is upset with me. I am far from a perfect person, and I know I let people down. I’m not afraid to apologize and seek forgiveness.
Sometimes it’s not that simple. Maybe they’re upset about something that I’m not sorry for (how I parent, a belief I have, a stand I’ve taken, etc.). Or, maybe I am sorry, but they are not ready or able to extend grace and forgive my mistakes.
Sadly, my people-pleasing nature often causes me to compromise my values or stew over my inability to change another person’s heart or mind. And, when I’m people-pleasing, I am trying to control what someone else thinks of me. I can’t think of a bigger waste of time and energy.
So, when I face a flare-up of this unfortunate syndrome, I’m going to meditate on truth – the truth that God loves me for me, that He has covered me in grace and blessed me with family and friends who do the same.
Do you suffer from the people-pleaser syndrome? How do you treat it? I’d love to hear!
Remember that song “Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)” by Baz Luhrmann? It came out in 1999 and it featured a stately sounding fella giving what sounds like a commencement speech with some crazy beats in the background. In the speech he said, “Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.” What do we do after those two years are up??
Great post!! I’m a people pleaser, too. It can be really hard not to be, especially when it involves the people I’m closest with. Next time, I’ll try to focus on God’s love for me instead of the other person’s perception of me. Thank you!!